


I Started Dying in 1995

by SoulSong



Series: Worm -Web Serial - Aeon [3]
Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow, Worm - Fandom, Worm verse, Wormverse
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Family Loss, Flashbacks, Funeral, Kidnapping, Loss, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Philadelphia, Tourism, Wildblow does it better, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:14:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28465884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulSong/pseuds/SoulSong
Summary: Italics indicates thoughts.Bold italics indicates flashbacks.Bold indicates emphasis
Relationships: OC marriage
Series: Worm -Web Serial - Aeon [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1500356
Kudos: 7





	1. Run

**Author's Note:**

  * For [4eHeretic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/4eHeretic/gifts).
  * Inspired by [All the Time to Lose](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16828381) by [SoulSong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulSong/pseuds/SoulSong). 



> I apologize to those who were reading my previous story: All the Time to Lose. I fell out of that story some time back and..well I look back at it and I know I can do better. Maybe one day I'll go back, edit it, and finish it. For now though, I hope you all enjoy this new version of it from a different perspective. It's a slightly alternative reality to the old one.  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1995, Moscow, Russia

_This is uncomfortable._

I unbutton and button the cuff of my dress shirt one hole tighter than it was.

_Nope. That was a bad idea._

I unbutton and button the cuff back the way it was before.

 _At least it’s not a tuxedo. Those are a nightmare._ I reach up to adjust my tie again but a hand stops mine.

“It’s fine.” May chides, putting it back in place and smoothing out the creases my fidgeting had made in the front of my suit.

I let my arms drop “I know. It just feels weird. It’s been forever since I’ve worn a suit.”

“Well that is a damn shame because you look amazing.” she says, eyeing my shoulders, obviously admiring how the suit fits.

 _Can’t say I hate the compliment._ I take in her dress shirt, suit jacket, dress pants, and boots. “You look better.”

“I wear this stuff every day for work.” She counters.

 _As if that changes anything._ “And?”

May shakes her head like she’s done with me but her smile says she enjoyed the compliment. “Alright well I know better than to argue with you on how I look so you win this round. Have you seen my flash drive?” 

I nod, going to the dresser and pulling it out of the drawer while she gets her computer and papers packed.

Once we’re ready to go, I hold the door open as May steps out of our hotel room carrying our two-year-old daughter, Rochelle. She’s sleeping so we stay quiet as we head to the car. I thank whatever god is watching when Rochelle isn’t woken up by the car starting.

_So far so good._

Once I’ve got the car safely parked, I turn off the car, and run around to the other side so I can take Rochelle, letting May get out without waking her. We head inside to find that, despite being 20 minutes early, there is already a considerable crowd here.

“May!”

Rochelle startles awake in my arms, looking around “Where are we?”

 _So close_.

We both sigh and I try to quiet Rochelle. May moves to join her coworkers, but Rochelle reaches out, asking where mommy’s going.

May is quick to answer “Mommy’s got some work to do honey, but don’t worry, daddy’s gonna stay with you the whole time.”

Rochelle pouts “Bu’ mommy-”

I gasp dramatically, feigning offense “You don’t want to spend time with me?!”

Rochelle quickly answers “Nonono! I do! I do! I don’ want mommy to go.”

I chuckle, bouncing Rochelle a little “It’s alright sweetie. We’ll see mommy a bit later.”

It takes another solid two minutes, but we manage to convince Rochelle that her mother is, indeed, coming back. Finally cleared to go, May rushes off to set up.

Rochelle looks around with her big blue eyes before pointing to the logo on the banners “What’s PRT daddy?”

“PRT stands for Parahuman Response Team.”

She tips her head to the side, her gaze blank.

 _Right. She’s two._ “You know what a team is right?”

She beams “Yeah! It’s a group of people who work together.”

 _Good enough._ I nod “Very good. Do you know what a response is? It’s something you do.”

Her face twists as she tries to think of a definition.

When she doesn’t come up with anything, I help her out. “A response is something you do because of something someone else did. For example, when mommy said she was going to work, you pouted.” I pout to show her what it looks like “That’s a response. An answer is also a response to a question.”

“Okay..”

_She says okay but I get the feeling she didn’t actually follow me there._

“But what’s a parahuman?”

My eyes widen “Look at you using such a big word! Good for you!”

She lets out a small cheer as I walk her to a table so I can adjust the bag on my shoulder.

“A parahuman, is another word for a cape or someone with special powers. You know, all those people wearing colorful outfits and masks?”

Her eyes widen in recognition “Oh! You mean like yo-.”

 _Oh God don’t say it._ I cover her mouth with my hand, praying no one was listening to our conversation. When no one reacts, I slowly remove my hand and hold up my pointer finger between us. “Rochelle, you promised not to talk about that. Remember?”

She looks down at the floor. “Sorry daddy.”

I sigh and put her on the table so her legs hang over the edge. I have to kneel to get at her eye level. “Hey.” I call out softly.

She peeks up at me and I smile so she knows she’s not in trouble. “I’m not mad, sweetie. I just want you to remember your promises. Ok?”

She nods “Okay, daddy.”

I grin, adjusting the bag on my shoulder before standing and picking her up. I spin her a bit which makes her giggle. “But yes sweetie,” I say, dropping my voice and leaning in to whisper in her ear “I am a parahuman.”

I head over to the sign-in table and sign in as a guest.

The guy behind the table grins as he writes my name for me on the name tag so I don’t have to put Rochelle down. “Are you here to see the heroes?”

I grin, winking at Rochelle. “Yes sir, my wife is the biggest hero of them all. Right sweetie?”

She grins, throwing up her arms in a sort of cheer “Right!”

He grins “May I ask who or is that confidential?”

I laugh as he holds out the name tag. I look at Rochelle “Sweetie, can you grab that for me?”

“Sure daddy!” Rochelle takes the name tag from him.

I nod with my chin, angling her in my arms so she’s facing the side of my jacket. “Can you put that on my jacket?”

She has the dumbest little grin on her face as she smacks it against my chest.

I don’t feel it, but I dramatize it a little for her. I grin at the man “My wife is a researcher with the PRT. She studies powers.”

A look of realization crosses the man’s face as he realizes I was joking earlier. “Ah. Well, you two enjoy the conference.”

I nod “Thank you, sir.” I wait for a few seconds before looking at Rochelle “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Oh! Thank you.” She says once she realizes that she forgot her manners.

We explore the conference floor, talking to people and overall just killing time until it was time for May’s presentation. Before it starts, I remind Rochelle that she can ask me questions, but she has to whisper so she doesn’t bother mommy.

May is poised and confident throughout her presentation alongside a Russian powers researcher on how power classifications overlap.

Rochelle, ever the well-behaved toddler, is quiet the whole time, staring in awe as her mother and research partner compare data and answer questions. I doubt she’s actually taking in what they’re saying but it’s still cute.

Once their speech ends, May joins us and listens to Rochelle tell her about all of the nice people she’s met - including a few heroes. The conference is meant to share what the PRT knows with Russia in the hopes of getting a partnership between the two countries.

We spend some time walking around and exploring booths together as a family before I hear Rochelle’s stomach growl. I hold her up so my ear is against her stomach and she and May giggle. They have the exact same laugh and it is not fair.

“The cafeteria is three floors down.” May says.

“May!”

I look up and immediately recognize the man calling out to be May’s boss.

She gives me an apologetic look.

“I propose a trade.” I offer.

She raises a challenging eyebrow at me “Oh?”

I nod “You take Rochelle,” I say, holding her out to May, “and I’ll get us some food.”

She nods “Sounds like a plan.” She takes Rochelle from me and Rochelle pouts.

I kiss her on the head and kiss my amazing wife. “I’ll be back.”

She grins “I’m timing you soldier.”

I grin “Then I guess I better hurry.” I say as I turn and head for the door at a brisk pace. I’ve never liked elevators ( _too slow_ ), so I take the stairs.

The cafeteria seems to have some pretty good options and I even find something for Rochelle. These events so rarely have stuff a two-year old can safely eat. I’m about to order when the ground suddenly shakes beneath me, throwing me, the cashier, the cooks, and the other people waiting in line behind me off balance.

_Earthquake? Would have to be pretty strong. Does Russia even get earthquakes?_

I look around “Everyone alright?”

The building shakes again, stronger this time. I can hear glass breaking and people cussing as they fall to the ground. I brace myself on the counter, spreading my legs a bit and bending my knees to keep my balance. Then I hear that all-too familiar sound. A dull but deafening sound that rumbles deep enough to shake my bones.

_**A large dog in a Kevlar vest is running towards me. Tex. She’s barking. Two barks, pause. One bark, pause. Repeat. Danger. Bomb. Shit! Run! The walls are crumbling down all around us. The roof is collapsing. The remaining support pillars groan under the strain. Gotta run. Gotta get out. Get everyone out. RUN!** _


	2. A Whole New Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1995, Moscow, Russia

I blink several times and shake my head to clear my mind of the memory.  _ Need to focus. May and Rochelle. Find them, get outside. _ I turn away from the counter and bolt for the staircase, sliding and brushing past people as they run screaming for the exits.

As soon as the door to the stairwell clicks shut behind me, I look up, making sure I can see the door on the next floor up.

I can feel my body get tugged into that other world for just a moment, the world shifting around me. When it stops, I’m in front of the door, but I don’t waste a second as I bolt up the stairs, repeating the jumps into the other world and reappearing on the next floor twice, stopping at the door for the floor I need. I try to push the door open but it doesn’t budge. The sound that crawls its way out of my throat is gutteral, animalistic. Taking two steps from the door, I raise my right leg so my knee is by my chest, and the bottom of my foot is facing the door. My hands are up for balance as I kick forward, breaking the lock as the door swings open.

Two more explosions go off one right after the other as I step onto the floor, shaking the building and threatening to throw me off-balance.  _ Fire. The floor is on fire. The booths, the walls, and oh god the people.  _ There are people lying motionless on the floor, their clothes burning. The smell of burning flesh stinging my nose.  _ Why do I have to know that’s what I’m smelling? Why do I have to smell that again? _

I bolt for the main area, pulling out my visor from my inside jacket pocket. I slide on the Tinker-made visor, pressing the button on the side of the arm. There’s just a slight hum as it turns on and starts calibrating. I burst into the main presentation room and frantically scan the room for my family. The heroes that were present seem to be in the process of checking and evacuating survivors, yelling to each other over the fires.

I yell at the top of my lungs “May! Rochelle!” I repeat their names as I run down one of the aisles past burning booths and people.

_ Not her. _

_ Not her. _

_ Not her. _

I round the corner at the end and go up the next aisle.

_ Not her. _

_ Not her. _

_ Not her. _

My mind is torn between cheering that my girls aren’t among the bodies and screaming that I haven’t found them yet.

I round another corner.

_ Not her. _

_ Not- _

_ Her. _

My blood freezes.. My beautiful wife is laying on her side, facing me, on the floor. Her eyes are closed and she’s not moving. I run over, dropping to my knees and checking for a pulse on her neck and wrist.

_ Please please please. _

_ No. _

_ Nonono. _

_ NO! _

I move to pick her up, reaching under her side and wrapping my arms up her back, but there’s something warm and thick between my fingers. I pull my arms free, checking my hands and finding them covered in blood. I look at her back and bite my lip to try and keep myself together. A shard of wood is buried in her back between where my hands had been.

**_I can feel that familiar spark shoot through me. It feels like I’ve been shot with lightning. My vision goes white. There are these figures hovering before me. They’re about my size but I feel like a worm at their feet. I can see the Earth beneath us, then suddenly there are infinite copies of Earth. I can feel the power coursing through these beings the same way one feels the power of a category 5 tornado while watching footage on a screen. Only I’m watching from the ‘safety’ of the eye of the storm itself._ **

_ Where am I? Why can’t I see? My cheeks are wet and my vision is blurry. …Oh, I’m crying.  _ I blink back the tears and look around. I’m still in the conference room.

_ What happened? And who were those..those..why can’t I remember what they look like? Why am I shaking? Wait, is that..it is! _

Rochelle is laying just a foot away on her back. All thoughts of the visions I’d just seen vanish from my mind as I rush to her, almost tripping as I get down to put my ear against her chest.

I try to sigh but the sound that escapes is a broken sob.  _ Close enough though right? Who cares? She’s alive! _ I pick her up, placing her on top of her mother so I can carry them at the same time. I lift May up in my arms, curling them so Rochelle is held against my chest.

I don’t even bother checking to see if anyone is watching as I turn my gaze to the wall. With a thought my visor activates its x-ray vision setting, allowing me to see the open door beyond the wall and the room beyond. I focus there, feeling myself get pulled through that strange world where nothing moves, reappearing just past the door. When I arrive I run to the large window that once took up most of the wall. The glass is gone so I have a clear view of the situation outside.

_ Not good. _

_ Behemoth. He’s already rendered two cities completely uninhabitable in as many years and the PRT is pretty sure this pattern will continue until he’s stopped. It’s not like they can claim that’s possible given that he’s already got an average kill rate of at least one in every four heroes that fight him. Considering they’ve been sending parahumans after him in the hundreds, that means he’s already killed at least fifty parahumans if not a hundred. Why the hell did that four story obsidian monster have to attack Moscow during the conference?! _

I shake my head.  _ Thoughts like those won’t do me any good right now. _ I make sure I can see the ground before using my power to appear there.  _ It feels...different from before. Faster maybe? Not sure. Doesn’t matter. _ I take off at a sprint, jumping over debris from cracked buildings and dashing around fires. I have to teleport a few times to avoid the bolts of lightning the monster is unleashing from its ten foot claws. Despite Behemoth being more than a mile away, I can easily see it’s glowing red eye piercing the smoke from the fires. It’s fanged maw opens to reveal a fiery pit as he roars towards the east, no doubt shattering eardrums and blowing up glass windows for several meters in that direction. I cradle my family to my chest as I search for a hospital still in one piece that isn’t liable to be evacuated any time soon.

As I teleport to the next spot, I can see a bolt of lightning streaking towards the spot where I am supposed to land. I can’t change my destination mid-teleport. I pick another spot and hope that I can teleport there as soon as this one is done without Rochelle or May taking any damage from the electricity.

I land in the second spot.  _ That..shouldn’t be possible. Since when can I teleport midair?  _ The ground shakes beneath my feet.  _ Think later. Move! _

I take my own advice and take off again, still scanning for a hospital but the only one I’ve passed is in ruins so that’s no good. There’s some debris up ahead, looking through it I can see a crossroad. Maybe I’ll see something from there.

A flash of blue and white streaks across the road somewhere in front of me. I don’t have a chance to stop since I’ve already picked my next teleportation spot past the debris. I land at my destination and the blue and white reappears in my peripheral.

“Sir?”

I flinch at the voice I’ve heard on TV so many times. I turn my head to see Legend, a leading member of the collection of heroes in America called the Protectorate. One of the most powerful parahumans in the world. He’s one of the founding members of the Parahuman Response Team and Protectorate. He can shoot lasers that follow their targets while avoiding obstacles, is arguably the fastest man alive, and is hands down the reason why Earth Bet’s LGBTQ+ rights are leaps and bounds ahead of Earth Aleph’s - at least in the United States.

_ Nothing I say or do will change the fact that I’m in civilian clothes, wearing a visor that’s obviously Tinker made, and he saw me teleport. At the very least? He knows I’m a parahuman out of uniform. Worst case scenario: he’ll look up my description after Behemoth is driven back and track me down later. I’ll be registered on a list and the PRT will insist I come in for tests. Actually, that’s not true. Worst case scenario: he’ll insist I help the parahumans here evacuate civilians and drive Behemoth away. After that I’d still be put on a list, be called in for tests, and possibly pressured into joining the Protectorate. I’d never get any privacy ever again..I wouldn’t get to see Rochelle grow up and she will never get to tell people what I do for a living. It’s hard enough as it is to lie about what I do, I don’t want to force Rochelle to live a lie too. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I was not expecting to get over a hundred hits in less than 5 days. Seriously, thank you all to you ghosts out there and I hope y'all enjoy! I reply to all comments and kudos are appreciated. As the title of this story suggests, we have only Just begun :)  
> I will try to include warnings whenever possible and the tags will be updated as the story updates.


	3. And It Gets Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1995, Moscow, Russia

_ ROCHELLE! _

I bolt upright with a gasp and my vision swims, my head pounding in protest to the sudden movement. I open and close my eyes repeatedly, rubbing at them in the hopes of clearing them. _ There’s something on my hand, and it’s got some weight to it. There’s a cord connecting my hand to a..a heart monitor. The beeping shouldn’t have been loud enough to wake me. So, what did. Was I dreaming about something? _

…

_ ROCHELLE! _

I frantically look around for any sign of my baby. A part of me prays that it was a dream, but then I catch a glimpse of the ruined Moscow skyline out the window and I know it wasn’t.  _ Behemoth attacked, and May’s dead. _

_ Wait..Legend. I was..talking to Legend _ .

~Flashback~

“Are you okay, sir?” Legend asked.

_ Best thing I could do was not let him know of my connection to May or Rochelle. At least that would make me difficult to identify. _ I sighed. “I’m fine, sir, but they’re hurt.”

Legend looked down at May and Rochelle in my arms and nodded once before giving me the directions to a hospital a safe distance from the fight with Behemoth where they had parahuman healers and Behemoth’s victims gathering.

~Present~

I know I made it to the hospital but beyond that? Nothing.

A nurse wanders in, her brows furrowed in concern as she stares blankly at her clipboard. She looks up and visibly jumps when she sees me staring at her. She quickly composes herself though and approaches the side of my bed “Oh good. You are awake. We feared you would never wake up.”

Her accent is Russian but her English is very good. She didn’t just learn the language, she’s gotten to practice it.

“Where’s my daughter?”

She stammers “I-I’m sorry I-”

I prop myself up on one arm so I’m facing her “My daughter. Rochelle. I carried her in here with her mother. She’s two years old with copper hair and blue eyes.”

The nurse chews on her lip. “I..I need to get the doctor, sir. He’ll be able to tell you. I arrived yesterday. Excuse me.”

Thankfully, the doctor enters only five minutes later. He explains that I’ve been asleep for two days. I suffered some burns and cuts - probably in my run here. He sighs “Sir. There’s no easy way to say this. Your daughter was here this morning.”

_ So she’s alive?! Great! But the doctor’s tone.. _

The doctor sighs “She asked the nurse for some juice, and in the five minutes it took her to get a juice box, your daughter vanished.”

_ Did he just say- _ “What?”

The doctor quickly tries to explain. “We’ve checked everywhere and with everyone, sir. No one saw her leave this room nor did they see anyone enter this room. The security camera went out when we had a power surge during those 5 minutes.” He bites his lip and squeezes his eyes shut. “She was on camera before the power surged. When the power came back on, she was no longer in the camera’s view. I’m sorry, sir. We don’t know what happened or where she went.”

The doctor and nurse give me some privacy to process this.

_ I guess I should be sad - and I am - but I’m also mad. _ I look out the window again, staring blankly at the still burning skyline. I can see the burning, crumbling buildings in the distance over the treetops.  _ Just how far did I run? _ I slide out of bed, taking a moment to lean on the bed for support before slowly making my way to the window.  _ Haven’t felt this physically weak since that bomb. _ I look out the window and over the treetops.  _ Wait..tree _ **_tops_ ** _. _ None of these trees are taller than this floor. I look down, estimating as best I can. Gotta be at least thirty feet down.

_ Rochelle isn’t the type to wander or to go off with anyone without permission from May or myself. She doesn’t like new people. _

_ Which only leaves one possibility. Someone took her. _

_ Not only that, but I’d bet it was someone with powers. How else would they get into a hospital room several floors up and snatch a little girl without anyone seeing? _

I’m pacing the wall with the window now. I can’t tell if I want to cry, curse, or break something. Before I know it, the knuckles of my right hand are burning and up against the wall. _Guess I’m punching things._ _But more importantly, what’s the point of having powers if you can’t protect the people you care about?_ I lean my back against the wall and slide down, crying my heart out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so glad to see so many people enjoying themselves! I've got lots of stuff planned out! This one's a bit shorter I know but I've never been in a hospital or been to Russia and I don't want to describe something wildly inaccurate. Might come back to fill out later. Anyway it's late and I'm rambling so I'll just say that I hope you like this one too!


	4. For the Man Who’s Lost Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1995, Pearland, Texas

The PRT paid for my return trip to America and May’s coworkers pooled their money together to help me cover the funeral. A few even helped plan everything. Word spread quickly among them about Rochelle’s disappearance and many offered their condolences.

_ I don’t need sympathy. I need my daughter home safe. _

May has no family left and neither do I so I have no family to contact. Most of the people I contact are our college friends, May’s colleagues, and my friends from my days as an Army Ranger. Despite having no family to speak of between us, there really are a lot of people here.

_ May’s best friend from college is playing the violin. At least it’s not bagpipes. I’ve never liked bagpipes. Always told May I’d rather be sent off to flutes or a saxophone..hell I’d probably take a tuba over bagpipes. I’ve heard too much of them. I hear that damn instrument echoing in my head at night. _

My team is here. They each give her a salute to send her off. Most of them offer me their help, contact information, and a friendly ear to talk to. They know there’s not much more they can say that I haven’t heard over a dozen times already. I can see them going up to her casket as people file out of the cemetery, reading letters to her before laying them on top of the casket.

I still can’t decide if I want to take them home with me or put them in the casket.

There are bouquets of nearly every type of flower imaginable spread around the casket. May never did pick a favorite. She liked some for colors, some for smell, and some for texture. The cemetery agreed to let us plant some of the flowers over her casket. She liked to think the flowers would make her grave a little happier. That always was her goal. To make the world a little better and make someone’s day a little brighter.

There are pictures of her everywhere too.

She’s alone in some. Like her high school and college graduation photos.  _ Her hair is completely black in those photos, her blue eyes bright and clear with a hopefulness to them. Dreams of her future. Her skin is the sort of tan that suggests a South American, Native American, or Mediterranean heritage. We never did find her birth parents. _

In others she’s holding Rochelle, her gaze trained on our baby girl with unparalleled love and adoration in those eyes.  _ Funny how she never lost that hopeful shine in her eyes.  _ Rochelle may have gotten the color and shape of her mother’s eyes, but they lack that persistent hope her mother’s possessed.

There’s our wedding photo. Her in her pale blue dress. Me in my dark suit and matching blue tie. May never did like traditions. Her adoptive parents never bothered with following any either.

After everyone has left the cemetery, I make my way back over to the casket. I slide off the hat of my uniform, placing it on top of the casket before letting my hands rest on the lid.

_ So many things left to say. You had so many plans. How could I lose you  _ **_and_ ** _ Rochelle? _

I can hear leaves crunching underfoot behind me. Hesitant, cautious, but sure. I let the person come close, waiting until they’re right next to me before looking.

_ Doctor Kyle Murray, senior researcher of the PRT research team in Houston, Texas..and May’s boss. _

He was the only person May confided in at work. The only one to have dinner at our house. The only one who knows I have powers. Rochelle’s godfather.

“What will you do now, Jason?” He asks quietly as we stare at the casket.

I swallow the lump in my throat, clenching my fists “There’s only one answer to that for me.”

His sigh is silent but I can see his shoulders heave with the exhale “Jason-”

_ I don’t wanna talk about this. _ I pick up my hat and turn towards the cemetery gate “She’s out there, Kyle. Rochelle wouldn’t just run off. I owe it to May to find her.”

Kyle releases a now very audible, heavy, knowing sigh. “Alright, but promise me something?”

I stop and glance at him over my shoulder.

He puts a hand on my shoulder, warm and comforting “Remember that you have friends here. Friends who can help you. Promise me you’ll at least  **consider** May’s suggestion?”

_ Suggestion, request, either suffices since it’s been both over the years. _ I sigh, my shoulders slumping for the first time today. I nod “I will.”

“Good luck, Jason.”

“Thanks, Kyle.”  _ And I mean it, I do..though I’m not sure my tone really conveys my sincerity. I just don’t have it in me to give him that right now. _


	5. Dead End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2005, Indianapolis, Indiana

_FUCK!_

The sound that rumbles up from my chest and out my throat is something guard dogs are taught to produce on command. I slam the hotel door shut behind me, the doorknob and chain lock next to the door rattling with the force of the impact.

 _One dead end after another. That’s all it ever is. Whoever these people are, they’re good. Too good._ I slump into my chair, a soldier reduced to nothing more than a sack of tired bones. I pull my computer off the desk and into my lap, booting it up to record yet another dead end in my files.

I pull my wallet out of my back pocket, sliding out a picture of us.

_That happiness feels so far away now. Like a dream._

_There’s something fuzzy on the back of my hand._ I don’t even have to look as I turn my hand, smiling a little at the wet tongue and nose I get in response. I bring my hand up and around, scratching at my dog’s head. _Such a good boy._ He whines, rubbing his head into my hand and my leg.

With one hand scratching Diablo’s head, I open up my email, letting it update while I edit my files. After I’ve made yet another depressing addition to my files, I put my computer aside. I’m sweaty, tired, and covered in dirt. _Ah the life of a soldier hunting criminals._ I peel off my jacket, bulletproof vest, gun holster, belt, and sweaty t-shirt. Then comes my combat boots and socks so smelly not even Diablo will touch. I remind Diablo to stand guard before I head into the bathroom to shower, trying not to think too hard about how long it’s been since I buried my wife.

After stepping out of the shower, I wrap a towel around my waist before going to the sink to brush my teeth. While I brush, I take a look at myself in the mirror. My face has a few more lines and my body has some more scars than it used to, but otherwise I haven’t changed much. _Despite all the stress, the last ten years haven’t actually been murder on me..well, not physically at least._

 _Working out, running, and a healthy diet will do that. What would_ **_they_ ** _look like now?_

_May would probably still look the same, her long, formerly black and turning brown hair still cut between her shoulder blades and looking like she’s not a day over thirty. She’d probably look to be 40 at 70._

_Rochelle? She’d be tall. She ought to be. Her mother was 5’6” and I’m almost 6’5”, so she has a shot at being tall. She’d probably have a thin frame - like her mother. Assuming she got my hair entirely over her mother’s, her copper hair would stay that color. She’d probably be athletic too since May and I liked exercise. I’m sure Rochelle would have found a sport to enjoy. I would’ve taught her self-defense and how to shoot too. Just in case._

I finish brushing my teeth before leaving the bathroom. Only to get a face full of fur. I chuckle and furiously run my hands over Diablo’s face and neck as he tries to kiss my face. “No. No kisses. I just showered. Diablo, down!”

At that, the dog faithfully drops to the floor, his tail wagging.

I return to my computer to find that I have a few new emails. I open up the one from Kyle first.

Hey Jason, just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. We haven’t talked in awhile and I want to see if there’s anything I can do to help. Your friend, Kyle.

“You’re a good friend Kyle.” I say to the computer as I type up a response. Thanks, Kyle. Another dead end. These guys are good at covering their tracks. I’ll call tomorrow before work. Jason. I hit send and turn on the hotel provided tv. Not a lot of channels on these things but I don’t need them to. They just need to give me local and state news.

I get comfortable on the couch as Diablo jumps up and lays across my lap. I stroke his head while we watch the news. I let my brain tune out a little as the night drags on though, only partially paying attention.

Soon, I order Diablo off and prepare for bed, my eyes half closed the entire time. It’s a good thing I’m used to doing my routines in the dark. Once in bed, I pat the spot next to me and Diablo happily joins me on the mattress, circling a few times before collapsing against me. Sleeping is always easier with a dog. They keep the monsters away.


	6. A New Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2005, Indianapolis, Indiana

_ Light. Warm. Comforting. _

_ Sunlight. _

_ Something’s interrupting the beam. _

_ Right. Hotel. _

I pry my eyes open to see what time it is. Sun’s still low on the horizon - and right in my eyes - so it’s gotta be pretty early.  _ My alarm will probably be going off any minute. _

BEEP BEEP BEEP

_ Called it. _

The grunt is involuntary - as is the yawn - as I reach out and tell my alarm to shut up. I reach up to the headboard, using it as a perch as I stretch and bend my back, rolling my shoulders and neck. Rubbing my face I reach out and pet Diablo, who yawns and stretches beside me. I reach for my phone on the dresser. I turn off the alarm and dial the third number on my speed dial - right after May’s cell and home - before sliding out of bed and going to my dresser.

He picks up on the second ring “Hey Jason! I was just about to call you.”

The smile is reflexive. He’s always had that effect on people. I slide open the drawer “How are you, Kyle?” I ask, grabbing a shirt and throwing it over my shoulder before closing the drawer.

“I’m good, can’t really complain.”

_ His tone is the same as when he called to tell me Molly was pregnant. Ah. Pants. _ I throw my pants over my shoulder with my shirt, closing the drawer as I grin “Just good? You sound better than good, man.”

He chuckles “Alright! You caught me. I got to talk to  **Dragon** yesterday.”

_ Holy shit  _ **_Dragon_ ** _?! The most tech-savvy cape in the world - or at least the Western Hemisphere.  _ “Did you say  **Dragon** ?! You mean,  **the** Dragon? As in, the best Tinker on the planet?  **That** Dragon?”  _ I can practically  _ **_hear_ ** _ the smirk on his face. _

“Yup.  **That** Dragon.”

I put in my wireless earpiece and connect it to my phone. I toss my phone on the bed, changing into the shirt and pants I’d pulled from the drawer.  _ Why isn’t he talking?  _ “Well I’m gonna need more than  **that** , Kyle!”

_ That laughter of his is a bit too proud. He made me wait on purpose. _

“I didn’t get to meet with her in person or anything.”

_ Socks. _

“Today she agreed to extend her services as a hacker and cyber security specialist to the PRT.”

_ Shoes. _

“In exchange I sent her our research. We chatted for a bit while the files were transferring.”

_ Now my wallet, keys, phone, gun, and knife go into my pockets, and on my belt respectively. First two are on the nightstand, phone on the bed. _

Wow. Everyone’s heard of Dragon. Though she’s been working with the Guild - Canada’s version of the Protectorate - almost exclusively since she first appeared several months ago. Few parahumans can get as famous as she has after two years in the public eye. The fact that she’s helping the PRT now is  **huge** !  _ Wait a minute. Wait a minute.. _ “Hold up. Dragon is quite possibly the best Tinker and hacker on the planet, right?”

“Yeah.”

“If anyone can help me find Rochelle, it’d be her right?”

…

_ Did we get disconnected? It’s not like Kyle to hang up. It’s getting him to shut up, that's the trick. _

“You’re right.”

_ Oh good he’s still here. _

“Dragon now has near unrestricted access to the Guild, Protectorate, and PRT files. So, you’re right. If anyone could help you, it’d be Dragon.”

_ Great! But.. _ “Oh wait.” I groan.

“What?”

“I can't get in contact with her. She only communicates with official hero channels. And even if I could establish some line of communication, she has no reason to help a rogue. Especially an unregistered rogue. I..heroes and villains don’t talk to rogues - at least not usually. Doing so usually labels the rogue as having sympathies towards one group which leads to being a target of the other.”

“Hmm...I have another call with her in a few days to ensure her security program downloads and runs correctly. I’ll see if I can’t work in having a friend looking for a missing person. See how she responds.”

_ I usually don’t like bringing people in that I don’t know personally, but what choice do I have? _ “Alright. I trust you Kyle. If she offers to help, tell her that I’m a rogue okay? Make it clear upfront how off-record this would have to be?”

“Of course. No problem Jason.”

_ What did I do to deserve a friend like you?  _ “Thanks, Kyle. You’re a lifesaver.”  _ And in payment for your services _ “How’s the family?”

“They’re great. Thomas is in high school now.  **High school** ! Can you believe it?”

_ He sounds like he’s pacing now. Unlike most people - who pace out of anxiety - Kyle paces when he’s excited. Though this pacing might have some anxiety in it too - if his tone is anything to go off of. The last ten years have flown by for Kyle and his family, but they’ve been dragging along for me. Day by busy day, week by aching week, month by depressing month, and year by haunting year.  _ I make myself chuckle, trying to hide the pain of the statement. “They grow up fast, huh?”

“Yeah. Molly’s doing well too. Keeps asking when you’ll come over for dinner.”

_ There’s that pointed, ‘come for a visit’ tone.  _ I chuckle again, this time a bit more genuine. Kyle’s wife has never met me. She met May during a company Christmas party while I was on deployment. She’s been asking to meet me ever since. “I suppose I do owe her an introduction huh?”  _ I can  _ **_hear_ ** _ Kyle’s grin on the other end of the phone. _

“Of course you do! How about this, you’re in between jobs and leads at the moment right?”

_ I know where this is going.  _ “Yeah?”

“Come visit. I was gonna take Thomas to the shooting range. You can finally teach me how to shoot.”

That laugh was completely genuine. Kyle is ex-marines and knows damn well how to shoot - but I’m still a better shot.  _ It’s been at least two years since I’ve been to the range, even longer since I went with someone, least of all a friend. _ “Y’know what? Sure. Why not? It’ll be good to get away from it all for a bit.”

“Excellent! Molly will love this. You can stay with us!”

_ He’s telling Molly. No backing out now.  _ “I’ll see you on Thursday, Kyle. Thanks.”

“My pleasure! See you on Thursday! Take care, Jason.”

I hang up and look at my phone for a long moment. No matter how I feel when I pick up the phone, I always end my calls with Kyle feeling way better than I did. It’s a gift that Kyle loves to share with everyone. We honestly need more people like him these days.  _ May was a lot like him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoo! another week, another chapter! Things are falling into place and there are some things in store for Jason in the coming chapters :) I sadly have never been to Indianapolis. If I had I would have done a shoutout to a landmark or something for it. But! No time for that now! We're almost done with this arc and I gotta say, I'm SUPER excited for what's to come as I'm almost done with Arc 2. Keep an eye out for the next chapter next week my lovelies! Stay safe! And if you can't stay safe, have fun! Thank you to all the beautiful kudos and I hope all you ghosts out there enjoy! Bookmark or subscribe to get email notifications of updates and I'll see you all next week!


	7. Brotherly Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2005, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Diablo and I arrive in Philadelphia a little behind schedule thanks to morning traffic, but we still manage to get there before 1300. We stop at a park to stretch our legs and get a bit of exercise.  _ Note to self: no more ten hour road trips _ . While we walk around, I text Kyle that we’re in the city.

He texts back almost instantly.  Great! I’m at work right now so why don’t you explore the city until 5?

Sure. Meet at the zoo?

Yeah! I’ll meet you at the entrance!

_ Never been to the ‘City of Brotherly Love’ before. Might as well see the sights. _ “What do you say, Diablo? Wanna tour Philly?”

Diablo’s little blunt tail wiggles back and forth as he looks up at me, maw open, tongue slightly out as he pants. His eyes are bright as he gives me one of his quieter, more conversational barks.

“Well alright then.” I hook Diablo’s leash back onto his collar and head for the car.

_ Let’s see..need a water bottle, poop bags, and treats for Diablo. I need my visor and my knife- _

_ No, wait, no I don’t. _

_ But what if- _

_ No. Can’t think like that. Thoughts like that lead to spiraling episodes and I do not need that today. _

_ But what if something happened? What if there’s a fire or a building collapses and I’m right there? I can’t just leave people to suffer just because the fire department or the Wards or Protectorate are on their way. _

_ Breathe. Doctor Boman said to cut the items down to one at a time. I can’t bring my gun, knife,  _ **_and_ ** _ visor. If there was an emergency, if civilians needed me..visor would help me find them. Visor it is. _

_Okay. I’ve got water, poop bags, treats, visor, phone, keys, and wallet. Good to go._ _There’s something on my foot. It’s heavy_. Looking down I see Diablo sitting on my foot, looking up at me as he whines quietly. I put my hand on his head, rubbing his ears and the top of his head. “Thanks buddy.” Breathe in and out. I strap on Diablo’s service dog vest, transferring his leash from his collar to his vest. “Ready to go?”

He pants a little, standing as he gives me another conversational bark in reply.

_ That’s his yes.  _ “Then let’s go see the sights, huh?”

I pull out my phone and look up directions to our first stop.

Food stalls from over a dozen countries mixed in with handcrafted jewelry and homemade crafts fill the area.  _ Kyle told me how big the Reading Terminal Market is, and I believed him, but it’s still bigger than I pictured it being.  _ I grab some lunch at one of the stalls before exploring the market for a sorry-for-not-meeting-you-sooner present for Molly.  _ I’ve known Kyle for about twelve years now so I’m at least a decade late in meeting her. The least I could do is bring her a gift. _

_ Kyle said she likes flowers, but it’d be weird for me to get her some. What would May get her? Maybe soap? Soap that smells like flowers? _

It takes a bit of work but I eventually find a nice stall selling homemade soaps and buy two bars for her.

Diablo’s nose is all but glued to the bag of soap. I try putting it in different pockets but his nose just keeps on following it. At least until I put it in a pouch on his vest. Then he’s back on the clock. I scratch behind his ear as we leave the market “Where to next buddy?”

The list I found suggests several historical sites.  _ I’ve never been one for those - except maybe battlefields. _

I liked the history of warfare back in high school, but service in the United States military will make you a near expert on the subject. Being born and raised to military parents is just icing on the cake.

I know the Franklin Institute is a necessity and in May’s memory I spend some time there - though I spend a good portion of that time just staring at his statue.  _ Benjamin Franklin was May’s favorite historical figure. She always wanted to come here. I was going to bring her here for her birthday. It was a dream of her’s. She used to say she was silly for dreaming of something so small. But that was.. That was the thing I loved most about her. _

**_The ground is shaking beneath me. There’s smoke and fire in the air. There’s blood on my hands. It’s still warm. She’s still warm. She’s heavier than I remember her being. She’s never been so quiet, so still. I can hear her screaming for me, for Rochelle, for help. Why is she so far away? I need to get to her._ **

There’s something warm in my hand.

_ Blood? No. It’s not..it’s not liquid. It’s solid..soft..and..fuzzy? _

…

_ Diablo. _

I take a seat on the floor in front of the statue, letting Diablo rest his head in my lap. My breathing is irregular, but it evens out in a few minutes.

_ An episode. Just an episode. _ I rub my eyes, pushing down on the bone between my eyebrows.  _ I need to get out of here. Maybe I can try to come back later but I  _ **_cannot_ ** _ stay here. Maybe I’ll return before I leave town and get something from the gift shop for May. I could drop it off at her grave the next time I’m in Texas. Yeah. I’ll do that. _

I sigh, pulling myself to my feet and looping Diablo’s leash around my wrist. I head outside without sparing Mr. Franklin another glance.

_ I still have time to see the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall before my meeting with Kyle. Hopefully  _ **_one_ ** _ of those will help distract me. _

_ Well that wasn’t helpful.  _ I have nothing against the Liberty Bell, but it just wasn’t engaging enough to distract me. Any other day I would’ve paid attention to the fun facts but today my mind was elsewhere.

Despite my normal distaste for museums and most old buildings, there’s something..awe-inspiring about Independence Hall. The bell wasn’t all that engaging but the building? The room itself? There’s just..something about it. There’s something..calming about those white walls, green tablecloths, and low wooden chairs. It probably helps that colonial America, the Revolutionary War, is my favorite period in history. So much was changed in that one war. So much of the world was changed in this very room.

I pause on the front steps of Independence Hall, watching cars go by as my watch reads 16:35.

_ Wait.  _ **_16_ ** _ :35? _ I look back at my watch again.  _ Yup. 16:36. _ I adjust my grip on Diablo’s leash, “Time to go see Kyle, boy.”

Diablo’s ears perk up at the mention of Kyle, his butt wiggling in joy.

Man, that joy of his is infectious. I find myself smiling as we head back to the car, Diablo getting more and more excited as we get closer to the car. I park a few blocks away from the Philadelphia Zoo, and Diablo joins me as I head for the entrance.

Despite it being a workday during the school year there are still a decent number of people around, mostly young adults.

There’s a zoo employee at the gate. I stay a good way away from the gate but he’s watching me like he expects me to start punching anyone who gets within arm’s reach.

I pull out my phone and text Kyle. At the gate. _Please hurry, Kyle. You know I don’t like staring._

Kyle waves excitedly when he sees me, reaching me with long strides. When he approaches, we shake hands as Diablo’s tail wags like crazy. Kyle makes sure to properly greet Diablo before we leave.

I follow behind him in my truck to his house.

Molly is excited to meet me while Thomas has to be reminded three times who I am.

I don’t mind though and Diablo enjoys the attention he’s getting from Thomas. Over dinner, we chat about their move to Philadelphia and how Thomas’s first year in high school is going so far. After dinner, I chat with Molly about her tennis career.

She used to be a pro, but she retired so she could teach people tennis. However, she still participates in tournaments for the fun of it and does exhibition matches for charity.

Thomas goes to bed around 10 because he has a soccer game in the morning. Molly later goes to bed around 11 because she has a tennis match after Thomas’s soccer game (so she’s driving him to his game).

This leaves Kyle and I alone to chat about more...sensitive matters.

I look at Kyle. “What did Dragon say?”

He shrugs “Difficult to say. In short, she  **wants** to help but she doesn’t have the time.”

I sigh. “That’s what I thought.”

He nods slowly. “Yeah. I’m sorry Jason.”

I shake my head. “No. It’s fine. This is the push I needed.” I can see the worry cross his face and grin “ **Relax** , I’m not gonna do anything stupid.”

He looks dubious. “See, why don’t I believe you?”

We both chuckle at that. I shake my head. “I can’t keep going like this, Kyle. I’m burned out. I don’t have the energy to keep up with these fuckers anymore.”

Kyle looks sympathetic. He knows.

I’ve traveled across the world multiple times searching for the people who took Rochelle and I still haven’t found them. I am physically incapable of catching them. So, I am forced to change tactics. “I think I’m finally ready to do as May asked.”

Kyle’s eyes widen. “Seriously? Are you  **sure** ?”

I nod. “It’s my best chance Kyle.”

He nods. “I have work tomorrow. Just call me if you need me.”

I nod “Thanks Kyle. I really appreciate it. You’ve been an amazing friend these past few years and I cannot thank you enough. I promise I’ll pay you back one day.”

He waves off my comment, his mouth curving into a small smile. “Don’t. May was friends with everyone. She didn’t deserve what happened to her but...she loved you and Rochelle more than anything else in the entire world. I won’t get my top researcher back, but you deserve to have your daughter, Jason.”

“Thanks.”

His smile grows. “Actually, I know how you can pay me back.”

I look him in the eye.

“Let me meet her once you find her?”

“Absolutely.”  _ Provided I actually find her one day. _


	8. I Can('t) Do This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2005, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

_ Just a few more blocks and I’m there. _

_ I can do this. _

_ I can do this. _

_ … _

_ I can’t do this. _

I duck into an alley, leaning against the wall as I take long, deep breaths.

_ And breathing isn’t helping. _

I slide down the wall, letting my head fall back to lean on it.  _ In..and out. In..and out. _

_ There are  _ **_way_ ** _ too many ways for this to go wrong. Misunderstandings, a kid with an itchy trigger finger, I could have an episode… It’s been so long since I’ve done anything like this. What will people say? What will they think? _

_ Maybe I should have brought Diablo along. He keeps me calm when I start to spiral. But, if things go south I don’t want him to get hurt, either. No. I made the right choice leaving Diablo at Kyle’s house for this. _

_ As for the dumbass reason I’m out here in the first place-. No. Don’t think about it like that. I told May I would try it one day and I am a man of my word. _

I pull myself to my feet again and make my way down the street, rolling my shoulders as I adjust the way my jacket sits on me so it better hides my Kevlar.  _ At least it’s raining. _ It’s not heavy, but the water droplets are big so they’re bothersome and it’s coming down steadily enough to be just past the line of mild nuisance into the realm of irritating. But, that means everyone has their hoods up, umbrellas open, and heads down. No one’s paying attention to me.  _ Which is just how I like it. _

When I reach the corner I stop and look up at the towering structure before me. While not as tall as most of the skyscrapers of the city, it does have over 30 floors with at least 10 below ground. At its top it has gabled setbacks leading to a point at the top. The shape is similar to that of a bent pyramid - a pointed top but with a more box-like base, resulting in a more rounded-looking pyramid.  _ Looks like I did retain  _ **_something_ ** _ from elementary school history. _

Kyle said this building was inspired by the Liberty Place buildings here in Philadelphia, hence the architectural designs and the extensive use of glass on the exterior. But unlike the Liberty Place buildings, this one is wider than it is tall, not dissimilar to the Pentagon. The building is located in what can almost be called a clearing of buildings, surrounded by a garden. It’s not a park, but it sure  **feels** like someone put a building in the middle of a park.

I make sure that no one is looking before I pull my visor out of my pocket, sliding it over my eyes and pulling my cloth mask up from around my neck to cover my nose and mouth. _Deep breath._ _Don’t think, just go._

I cross the street.

Kyle told me that they never have any guards at the doors so I don’t have to worry about getting stopped outside the building. Which means I can - and do - stride right through the front doors uninhibited.  _ Four officers in the lobby. One by the receptionist’s desk on the far wall, one on each side wall, and one milling about the waiting area towards the middle of the room. _

The next thing to catch my eye isn’t the tiled floor designed to look like wood, nor the high ceiling or bronze crest in the middle of the floor depicting the Liberty Bell and the letters ‘PRT’. No, what grabs my attention are the banners depicting the members of the local Protectorate and Wards - both past and present.

One banner in particular holds my gaze. It depicts a silver and gold knight holding a large weapon that looks like some sorta cross between a sword and a gun that is at least as long as the knight is tall. _Chevalier_. _Leader of the Philadelphia Protectorate._ _The weapon is his signature gear, the cannonblade, a product of his power. He can combine the properties of multiple items into one, allowing him to make his armor as beautiful as a decorative piece and as lightweight as aluminum, but with the durability of tempered steel. He’s considered to be one of the most powerful parahumans in the United States._

I don’t even make it ten feet into the lobby before the four PRT officers aim their guns at me from their posts around the room.

Well, I say guns but that’s not what they actually are. They’re hoses attached to canisters strapped to their backs. The canisters are filled with standard issue containment foam. It sprays as a liquid, then expands and solidifies into a foam. The foam is flexible and porous so people can breath even when completely covered in it. It’s also  **extremely** sticky. On top of that, it's also impact resistant, to prevent heavy hitters from breaking it and it can safely catch falling people. It's also resistant to extreme temperatures and insulates against electricity.

Since it was invented by a Tinker, it isn’t any natural substance found on Earth and cannot be replicated without special equipment and the instructions - which the PRT keeps as a closely guarded secret.

Containment foam is the PRT’s go-to non-lethal method of containing parahumans.

_ I could teleport out of it if they decided to spray me - learned that a few years ago. Or, I could potentially teleport away from my spot before the foam can touch me, yet still close enough that they fire on my current spot so they miss or think they’ve got me. _ But I did not come here to dodge containment foam so I don’t move when they take aim.

One of the officers calls out “State your name and business.”

“Sir, I’m called Anubis.” _Keep it together. I can do this._ _I can do this. …_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all have enjoyed this arc! It'll be a little bit before I post the next arc because I like to have it completely written out before I start posting it. I should start no later than March. The next arc will be posted as its own 'story' under the 'Initiate Lockdown' series. Remember that bookmarking or subscribing will mean a notification every time I update! Thank you for all the kudos and to all you ghosts out there! I hope you're all having as much fun reading this as I am writing it!

**Author's Note:**

> I want to dedicate this to 4eHeretic. I just want to thank you for all the support you've given me, your patience, and for introducing me to this fandom. Really, above all that, you're the one who got me into transitioning from just talking about my fan theories to writing them out.


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